Dear Master R and Miss O,
I'm sorry. If you're still alive and well now, you're 27 and 25. Are things bad? I'm afraid, with the way things are going right now, they're very likely to be.
I'm sorry, because right now, as I type this in 2020, I know. And I have known for some while. Back in 1995 I learnt about pollution and climate change in my Year 6 geography lessons. Lots of us did. I was frightened. Really, truly frightened. But I didn't know what to do. I was just 10. What could I do?
Now and then, as I was growing up, I would remember that the planet was dying. No, not dying. Being murdered. Being deliberately murdered by a small group of people in order for them to become enormously rich. I'd remember and it would land on my shoulders like a mountain. I would feel depressed and hopeless and couldn't see the point of anything. But then I'd push it to the back of my mind again so I could carry on living. Most of us did.
What were your teenage years like? Was it hot? I imagine it was. The last couple of summers have involved heat waves which have pushed us from the garden to the lounge, to stand in the slightly cooler house, moving as little as possible and still sweating and uncomfortable.
How were the storms? They've started blowing with more energy recently. Our back door has been broken by a gust of wind. My car has needed repairing after I drove over a huge branch which had been blown down by Storm Dennis. The fences are going to need repairing again. I know that's nothing compared to what other people are facing. Floods have submerged homes and cars alike. And that's just in the Global North.
How's Australia this year? We watched in horror as it burnt this year. The Amazon is on fire too. Even the Arctic Circle has experienced fires. Are koalas extinct yet? Do you remember koalas?
Today, Master R, you did your homework. You've been learning about Ernest Shackleton, so your challenge was to design your own animal evolved to survive in polar habitats. You created a Snowtropolis; a bird with webbed feet and a hooked beak. Apparently it eats Arctic hares, can live on sea and land and is about the size of an Arctic Fox. We managed to talk you out of letting it breathe fire. Your creativity knows no bounds!
Is there anywhere left that your Snowtropolis could live? Are there polar bears? They're clinging on by a thread at the moment. I don't think they have long left. The ice is melting faster than even the most pessimistic predictions. Feedback loops are speeding it up.
Are you hungry? I'm sorry if you are. I'm debating whether we should start stock piling food, but we can't stockpile food for the rest of our lives. And anyway, it wouldn't be fair. Other people can't do that. People in Global South are already suffering from famines. I keep trying to warn people here that famines are coming for us soon. These heatwaves are eventually going to cause the wheat crops to fail. And by eventually, I mean fairly soon. But folk look at me like I'm bonkers. Or look concerned, but then push that scary thought away so they can get on with their week. I don't blame them. It's terrifying.
I'm also wondering if we should move to a house with a bigger garden, so we can grow fruit and veg in our own garden, rather than having it at the allotment. I love the allotment, but when the food shortages comes, as scientists say they will, we won't be able to protect our crops there. They'll be stolen before we're able to harvest them.
Are people stealing? Is society surviving thus far? Are people managing to go to work and be civil to one another or is it all falling apart? I lie in bed and wonder how we'll cope. I wonder what will get us; the hunger, or the civil unrest... or some almighty storm, blowing down the house. I wondered the other night, as Storm Ciara whistled round the rooftop, whether we should build an Anderson shelter in the garden. The hobbit hole is going mouldy again. Maybe we should just replace it with something more practical.
I'm so worried for your future. I am fighting for it, I promise. I've spent too long feeling the despair and grief, but not doing anything. Now I will fight. As much as I can fit it in around raising you and studying. I do wonder if it's worth spending three years studying to be a midwife. How long will I get to practice before the NHS crumbles under the weight of either the conservative government or climate and ecological collapse? Would it be wiser to just spend the next three years working for Extinction Rebellion full time? In 2040, if I'm still alive, will I regret that choice?
Will it be enough? Are we doing enough? We are trying. I'm sorry if it hasn't been enough. I hope that now, things aren't as black as they are currently on track to be. I hope that Boris Johnson and Donald Trump have been consigned to the history books alongside such names as Adolph Hitler, as crazy nutters who somehow conned people into voting for them. I hope your leaders are forward-thinking people like Greta Thunberg and Jacinda Ardern. I hope countries have started working together, caring for one another rather than becoming increasingly isolated and suspicious. I hope people woke up in time and started living in a truly sustainable fashion.
Talking of fashion, is that over? Please tell me people aren't still making money from arbitrarily choosing "looks" that are key for a given year or season, and persuading other people to pay money for this fast fashion. Please tell me that clothes are made sustainably, patched up and re-purposed when damaged and then recycled in a circular system. And GDPR. Is that over? Do we measure our countries success based on how much carbon is being absorbed and how happy people are?
At the moment, it's all hanging in the balance. I'm trying. We're trying. We're shouting at the top of our lungs that we need to CHANGE NOW. If we failed, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry that you won't have the chance to live in peace. I'm sorry you're hungry. I'm sorry you're scared. You may not even get to live as long as me. I imagine you probably won't have children. How could you bring them into a chaotic, collapsing world? I don't regret having you. I never could. But I am sorry for what you're likely to go through. I will fight for you.
With all my love, rage and hope,
Mama